Reflections at Lumphini Park

It's hard for me to believe that about a year ago, I was sitting in my dorm at SEMO, completely torn about God's direction for my life. Here I am a year later, studying in Korea, with a new perception of what it means to trust God in everything.

Today, I went to Lumphini Park, the "Central Park" of Bangkok. It is a large park with beautiful lakes and greenery. I stopped by some local street food vendors and bought a picnic lunch, which included some fresh pineapple. I had my lunch by the lake, watching a very interesting swimming lizard doing laps around the lake. I also got to spend some time looking back at this past year, as this was the time one year ago that God changed the direction that He desires for my life. I don't think I have really shared this with a lot of people, but I pray that it will be an encouragement for you to trust Him in everything.

I entered SEMO last year majoring in Music Education. Music is a passion of mine, and I thought I would be happy teaching music. I wanted it to work, I wanted to be in complete control of my future. I presented myself on the outside that I was absolutely sure of my decision, yet inside, I was very conflicted. I prayed about it, and in the back of my heart, I felt this constant pull that this was not what God intended for my life. I set that aside, convincing myself that it would go away. If God has a plan, there is nothing you can do to stop it. There are hundreds of examples of this in the Bible, and my example is the same.

I always had a feeling that studying World Cultures would be God's direction for me. I have always loved studying History, World Cultures, Politics, and Sociology. While other kids may have been reading "Goosebumps" or "Babysitters Club," I would read "Differences in Major Religions" or "An Abbreviated History of China." My Mom cultivated my passion to travel, and my Dad showed me what it means to serve others in everything. I believe God placed my parents and these passions in my life to form me into the servant He needs.

So after a semester of Music Education, I was very happy studying music. I had suppressed my doubts for that semester, and I felt that this direction would work. The first week into the second semester, I experienced what I can only call a torrential downpour of uncertainty. The tug on my heart that I had experienced in the past became an all out pull. I remember when it happened: it was the first Music Education class, and I felt this unbelievable wave of doubt and uncertainty that had been accumulating up to this point. I left this class, asking God where do I go from here.

My parents were in Puerto Rico for their anniversary, so I called Josh. We talked for hours about what had happened and what was the next step. The one thing that really hit me and I'll never forget it was Josh said "You know, Rebecca, I had a feeling you wouldn't end up studying music. I knew you had this passion for people, especially those that are different from you. I think this is the right track for you." Also out of the blue, Stacy called me. She asked me how my semester was going, and I told her about this overflowing doubt. She also told me that I should look for other options, and to keep praying as I search. I first decided to talk with my Professor from my Communications class the previous semester. He was a great teacher and continues to be a good friend. We talked about some different options in the Communications department.

He also advised that I should look at some other departments that fit my interests. The one that stood out to me was the International Studies department. I met with several of the professors in the department, discussing the different programs. After talking with them about the International Studies Major with an East Asian focus, I felt the weight of uncertainty in my heart lift. I knew at this point that this was the direction God intended for me. Part of this degree requires you to study at least for a semester, a year if studying in Asia because SEMO doesn't offer the language requirements.

I met then with the Study Abroad department. I had met with them several times the past semester because regardless of my degree, I knew I wanted to study abroad at some point. I told them about my new program of study and that I would like to study in Asia the next year. My study abroad advisor said: "I have the perfect program for you." She told me about SEMO's sister school SCH. "It focuses on language and culture classes, but the one part that makes it unique is that all international students are required to tutor students in English. The school gives scholarships to the foreign students in exchange for tutoring students. Oh and the school is in Korea." At this point, I knew this was exactly where God wanted me to be. Here is a program where I will be able to study what I am passionate about, help fellow students through tutoring, and the school is in Korea, the home of my Korean brother and sisters.

God showed me what He desired for me to study: A Double Major in Communications and Global Studies with an East Asian focus. It would allow me to learn more about the part of the world that is most interesting to me while improving my ability to communicate my thoughts and ideas. By this point it is Friday, the day that I would need to change classes to fit these new majors. It is also the day that my parents arrived back in calling range. They were quite surprised! My Dad advised me to change all the classes that would not qualify for a Music minor (even after a semester studying music, I was more than halfway to a minor). I took his advice, and continued to pray constantly for God's direction to be made absolutely clear. I'm not too good with subtle hints, so I asked God to make it completely obvious. He sure did!

As the semester progressed, things began to fall apart on the Music side, but came together on the other side. There were also many times where conversations or instances made it even more clear to me that this was God's will for my life. There was a time where I was heading to a pit orchestra rehearsal with one of my fellow musicians. She is not a music major, but like me, she has a passion for music. At that time, I had not shared with her my concerns about continuing to major in music. While we were driving she said out of the blue: "I know that if I was a music major, and music was to be my profession, I would lose the love that I have for it." I don't know why she said this, but it was exactly the feelings that I have towards music. It is a passion of mine, but it could never be my profession. It was something I needed to hear at that time to confirm my decision to change majors.

Another instance that really showed me that this is exactly what God wants for me was the week before finals. I was still waiting to hear back from SCH about studying abroad the next semester. It was the Thursday before finals, and my roommate told me "You better check your financial aid." There was a bit of a misunderstanding about one of the scholarships I had been given, but we discussed the situation, and I was told that the scholarship would be awarded. I checked it anyway, to find out that it was not awarded. I was crushed! I needed to come up with the difference before the next week or the school could drop my classes. My parents lent me the money, knowing that I would be able to pay them back later that summer. I hit yet another low of the semester: "When would I hear from SCH? Was this really Your direction?" I was a mess that entire day.

The next morning, I decided to check my email to see if SCH sent me anything. I usually don't check my email before class because it takes me forever to eat in the morning (picture a Zombie eating Cornflakes), but I decided to take a look. There in my inbox was a letter from SCH, "Dear Rebecca, We are pleased to inform you..." I woke up my roommate screaming with excitement! It was one of the greatest mornings of my life, I had been accepted to study in an amazing program in Korea. God's sense of timing is unbelievable. All doubt and uncertainty about where God wanted me was gone at that moment. The day before I experienced one of the lowest lows, the next morning couldn't have been any better.

So here I am a year later. Do I have all the answers? No. Do I know where I will be one, five, ten years from now? No. But I'm okay with that because there is one Person who does have all the answers, and He has always given me the answers when I have been ready for them. I will continue to wait on God's timing.